I have swine flu.

Perrrrfect.

Is blogspot [www.blogspot.com] for personal blog/journals?

I always see mainly "opinionated" blogs and nothing personal. Or like photography blogs, too. I just wanna know. Because I made one... but its personal. Is it out of context? I can't find ONE other "personal" blog/journal on there!

me.

What happened to the good 'ol days?





Sigh... I wanna run again.

I don't like when people say one thing and do another.

I thought I was helpful...

=\

Blah I hate closing at In N Out.

I'm still awake!

i. am. awake.

I changed my betta's water tonight and he started dying! There's nothing that I did different than I usually do. I put it the same temperature as I usually do and I put that water conditioner stuff in it. But instead of happily swimming around like he usually does, he didn't like it and has been gasping for air ever since. So, I went down to ask my roommate if their water was different or something because I know they've messed with the water in the condos a couple weeks ago. He said no but he gave me this oxygenator thing that oxygenates the water. I watched him for about 10 more minutes but he was still gasping. I don't wanna watch him dies, so I had to turn the lights off.

I'm sad. I hope he's still alive when I wake up.

Just keep swimming Feisty... just keep swimming!


:[

Going to Disneyland on Sunday.
Got the annual pass.
Weeee!

Chopped my hair off. Still getting used to that. Everyone likes it but if I get another Fantasia Barino comment I'm gonna scream. Maybe not... but anyway, I'm glad people like it.

Spring Break is here. Did shittily on some midterms this week but hopefully things will turn around after I move outta this place and stop worrying so much about money. Moving next weekend.



Welp, going to the moooovies soon. So I gotta eat some cereal and finish picking up my room. Mmmmhm.

Alright, I feel better because Kimberly got a 92 on that stupid test. I'm happy-er.

I'm really hungry too though.
And tired.

But I need to study. Well, maybe just a small nap...?

 I need help.
But I won't accept it.



I need change.

I need TO change.





But I probably won't.

Good timing.

===============
... these are the rules. For those who could use a bit of direction right now ...

The Rules For Being Human
When you were born, you didn't come with an owner's manual; these guidelines make life work better.

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's the only thing you are sure to keep for the rest of your life.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called "Life on Planet Earth". Every person or incident is the Universal Teacher.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of experimentation. "Failures" are as much a part of the process as "success."

4. A lesson is repeated until learned. It is presented to you in various forms until you learn it -- then you can go on to the next lesson.

5. If you don't learn easy lessons, they get harder. External problems are a precise reflection of your internal state. When you clear inner obstructions, your outside world changes. Pain is how the universe gets your attention.

6. *You will know you've learned a lesson when your actions change.* Wisdom is practice. A little of something is better than a lot of nothing.

7. "There" is no better than "here". When your "there" becomes a "here" you will simply obtain another "there" that again looks better than "here."

8. Others are only mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another unless it reflects something you love or hate in yourself.

9. Your life is up to you. Life provides the canvas; you do the painting. Take charge of your life -- or someone else will.

10. You always get what you want. Your subconscious rightfully determines what energies, experiences, and people you attract -- therefore, the only foolproof way to know what you want is to see what you have. There are no victims, only students.

11. There is no right or wrong, but there are consequences. Moralizing doesn't help. Judgments only hold the patterns in place. Just do your best.

12. Your answers lie inside you. Children need guidance from others; as we mature, we trust our hearts, where the Laws of Spirit are written. You know more than you have heard or read or been told. All you need to do is to look, listen, and trust.

13. You will forget all this.

14. You can remember any time you wish

Sooooo. It's like 15 minutes 'til my birthday. And Kim is staying up chatting with me. Yay.

I'll be 21 in 15 minutes!. And, I'm laying in bed about to sleep soon. Hahah. I'm getting old. Sigh.

Whomever invented the 50/50 Bar is a genius.

These things are fantastical!

Happy Birthday Lauren [spkchick11]. Go Gemini.



Its too damn early. I have to be at a meeting for work at 8. On a Saturday. This should be illegal.

Months down the road, you still have the power to make me collapse.

Oooh, how I wish I wish I wish sleep was my friiiiiend.

Annnnd how I wish procrastination was noooot!


La la la.

As time passes I feel myself about to crumble. I feel like the mask I've been wearing these passed five or so weeks is about to slip and shatter on the ground. This makes me extremely worried. This is making me anxious. This, coupled with the stress of school and pressure of working, is scaring me. I don't want to recoil back to how I was. I've been AT LEAST okae for a while and I want to stay that way.

So, I've made an appointment with my doctor at SDSU that I liked a lot. I haven't seen her since December, and I haven't really had any meds to take since then. I'm not really sure why I'm trying to not have to take meds. I mean, I think I'm okae without them, but I probably really need a little help. This has been off and on since I started in 12th grade. Soooo, yeeeah. We'll try it again, I guess. They're cheap. Plus I might get some more Xanax. Xanax helps me sleep and that is swell.

I am seriously contemplating asking for Incompletes or something in my classes. I think two of my teachers would do it for me. And the other two can suck my balls.

We'll see.

Hahah well, I just turned the radio on and they were giving out tickets to some concert that the radio station is hosting. Channel 933's Your Show 8. So I called and I won. It was pretty cool. I didn't expect it but it rang, so that was cool! Its on May 11 and the artists performing are... Ludacris, Ciara, Fergie, Robin Thicke, Hillary Duff, & Paula DeAnda. So I guess it'll be pretty good for a free concert, ya know. Gotta find a "date".

Anyway, myself as of late... Hmmm. Up and down. A lot of ups, not as many downs, which is good. Although, yesterday my car didn't start so I couldn't go to work. It finally started so I took it in to get it checked and nothing is wrong with the engine but it needs $650 of work done on the breaks?! Sweeeet! Funnnnn for me! And then I just started crying in PetSmart yesterday when I was with my mom. She got so worried and I felt bad. I couldn't control it, I tried not to. But they played India.Arie - Heart of the Matter and it made me sad. Stupid store. Spent too much damn money there anyway.

School is no bueno. Not getting anything done. I'm trying but its not working. But I really need to get on the ball. I'll be glad for the summer. Well... MAY. Because that means we're OUT! And no school for me. Just work. Ehh.

Been hanging out with KC more. The other day it was like the entire day. And it was cool. I took her to Physical Therapy and to run some errands and eat. And we saw Blades of Glory... which, by the way, is ridiculous in a hilarious way... get it? Long day for us. Oh, I didn't go to classes that day because there was a threat to our campus [yeah, after the fucking Virginia Tech shit]... sooooo, I was basically like, fuck that! I initially was going to go but my first class got canceled due to a fire? Ummmm... yeah that meant NO. Anyway, so KC. Still kinda weird for me but, you know, she's cool people so I should really stop worrying.

Been meeting some cool new peoples. I really like expanding my friend circle. It make me happy. Gas is still killing my wallet because of the drives. Went out to Numbers last night solo but knew everyone. But people were getting kicked out because they started catching on and checking IDs... WHICH I KNEW WOULD EVENTUALLY HAPPEN because people are not slick like KC & us.

Been thinking about Jenn when I shouldn't be. I'm still glad that we ended on a bad note because I think it's made it a bit easier for me. I think that she is/was selfish in her doings and thats that. But, I still miss her, you know. The abrupt stop is still really hard and I'm still hurting but steadily, slowly, but surely moving on. And I am extremely happy about that!

Anyway, I need to get ready. Get goin'. Get outta this house again. Maybe get my tattoo touched up to see how it looks before I decide to cover it up.

Edit: I also found $10 in my pocket whilst washing. :]

Sleep is not my friend, I guess.